We always think there’ll be more time

Well, I do. I don’t really know about you. But I assume, incorrectly most often, that I will see a friend again, have a chance to express my love more adequately, catch up on what’s going on in her life. And I let time slip by, and I don’t.

I lost a dear one yesterday. Suddenly and unexpectedly and … but these things happen, and I should have known better.

My house is full of little reminders of her. There’s a photo of her on a NYC bus with her youngest son on my desk. I’m sitting, right now, next to a box half-full of alpaca yarn she sent me after a recent trip to Ecuador. In our living room, the other half of that yarn is on needles for two sleeves and the body of a cardigan. There are reminders of her in my kitchen, in the room where Kate plays the piano, in the little box of earrings I keep on a dresser, and even in the basement where I’ve stored a bunch of the boxes and packing materials she gave me and used to help me pack up our breakables in our Queens apartment when I really really really could not face leaving NYC and her behind. She is not the only person to have so permeated our lives, but she is one of the very best.

I am so grateful that she sent me the yarn. There had been a long lull in our conversations and correspondence. You see? I thought we had more time. That gift out of the blue caused me to write her a letter of gratitude. I hope she saw it before she left us.

She made me a better person. More brave, more confident, more generous, more realistic and yet more hopeful. Do you feel the vacuum she’s left in the world? It’s all I can feel at the moment and, I suspect, for a very long time to come.


About pattiblaine

Raised under the name of Snyder in the upstate NY town of Vestal, I've worked as a typesetter, a fast food salad bar tender, an art reviewer, a waitress, a part-time nanny, and a very-bad-with-phones temp. Once upon a time I was all-but-thesis toward a Masters in Art History. Now I'm just a mom with a lot of fiber squirreled away throughout the house. We call it insulation. In 2013 I completed a life-long learning program at Colgate Rochester Crozer Divinity School, and am a postulant toward the diaconate in the Episcopal Diocese of Rochester, NY. In addition to coordinating volunteers for the soup kitchen, I volunteer as a tutor at a deeply impoverished city elementary school, and am a docent at the Memorial Art Gallery.
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7 Responses to We always think there’ll be more time

  1. Lindsey says:

    Oh, Patti, I’m so very sorry for your loss. I hope those physical reminders of her give you comfort in the days ahead.

  2. Patti, I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope all those material reminders you have around your home will give you comfort during this time and many pleasant and enduring memories for the future.

  3. {{{hugs}}} I’m so sorry, Patti. You’re right, we all do it, and we can all use the reminder that we should not.

  4. Cheryl says:

    Patti, I am so sorry for your loss. We all tend to let time go by because we are too busy…. this is a good example of why we need to make more time. May the memories of your friend comfort you in this time of grief. Thinking of you….hugs and kisses.

  5. Marianne says:

    I am so sorry for your loss!

  6. Sarah says:

    I am so sorry for your loss.

  7. Pingback: Well. Where have *you* been? | Every Fibre of My Being

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