Jack D. Rabbit
Sometime visitor to my backyard
Upstate New York
Re: Cease and Desist Harassment
Dear Jack D. Rabbit,
I am writing to you this letter to document a period of harassment I have received from you beginning 31 May 2014. Your behavior is causing me emotional distress and threatening my garden with great physical discomfort.
It has come to my attention that you are incrementally devouring an ornamental leafy plant, thereby threatening its life and that of the plants in proximity to it. This will not stand. Your campaign of wanton intimidation and callous disregard for the welfare of my garden is shameful and cannot continue unchecked.
On behalf of my carrots, beets, tomatoes, lettuces, beans and basil, on my own behalf, and on behalf of what is left of the bedraggled ornamental leafy plant, I demand that you cease and desist from this behavior immediately, or as soon as possible within 7 days of receipt of this letter. If action to cease and desist is not taken by you within the given time frame, I will take further action against you. This action will include releasing the hounds on a more frequent basis than that which you have previously enjoyed. Furthermore, said hounds may be subjected to Wagnerian influence just before their release. I suggest that you find another garden to munch on immediately. In short, shove off.
Enclosures: Photo of mangled plant, photos of aforementioned vegetables, mildly threatening video