Cease and desist

Jack D. Rabbit
Sometime visitor to my backyard
Upstate New York

Re: Cease and Desist Harassment

Dear Jack D. Rabbit,

I am writing to you this letter to document a period of harassment I have received from you beginning 31 May 2014. Your behavior is causing me emotional distress and threatening my garden with great physical discomfort.

It has come to my attention that you are incrementally devouring an ornamental leafy plant, thereby threatening its life and that of the plants in proximity to it. This will not stand. Your campaign of wanton intimidation and callous disregard for the welfare of my garden is shameful and cannot continue unchecked.

On behalf of my carrots, beets, tomatoes, lettuces, beans and basil, on my own behalf, and on behalf of what is left of the bedraggled ornamental leafy plant, I demand that you cease and desist from this behavior immediately, or as soon as possible within 7 days of receipt of this letter. If action to cease and desist is not taken by you within the given time frame, I will take further action against you. This action will include releasing the hounds on a more frequent basis than that which you have previously enjoyed. Furthermore, said hounds may be subjected to Wagnerian influence just before their release. I suggest that you find another garden to munch on immediately. In short, shove off.

Thank you.

Patti Blaine

Enclosures: Photo of mangled plant, photos of aforementioned vegetables, mildly threatening video

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About pattiblaine

Raised under the name of Snyder in the upstate NY town of Vestal, I've worked as a typesetter, a fast food salad bar tender, an art reviewer, a waitress, a part-time nanny, and a very-bad-with-phones temp. Once upon a time I was all-but-thesis toward a Masters in Art History. Now I'm just a mom with a lot of fiber squirreled away throughout the house. We call it insulation. In 2013 I completed a life-long learning program at Colgate Rochester Crozer Divinity School, and am a postulant toward the diaconate in the Episcopal Diocese of Rochester, NY. In addition to coordinating volunteers for the soup kitchen, I volunteer as a tutor at a deeply impoverished city elementary school, and am a docent at the Memorial Art Gallery.
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2 Responses to Cease and desist

  1. dawnk777 says:

    We should have sent the letter ourselves after he or she ate all the leaves on the beautiful sunflower sprout that was about a foot tall. 😦 It has not sprouted new leaves in the meantime, either. It looked so good, too. At least the bunny this year has left the lilies alone.

  2. dalta7 says:

    And this dear friend is why the owners of the property at #%¥@ Clover Street, bordered on the south by Dutch New Barn, and on the north by Elder Jingle, and in the west by Farmer Horse, have given over their gardens to the Monarchs, Hummers, and Ladies of Mendon. These rulers gladly share the fruits of my labor with others who pass through their realm.

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